4 Things Men Think Make Them Attractive (But Don’t)

 

Being attractive gives you an unfair advantage in dating. But what if I told you people do it wrong because they don’t know what makes them attractive?

Attractiveness is unique to each person.

You may think you do your part: work out, have an exciting career, dress up, and behave nicely. Still, your efforts don’t work. You can’t find a girlfriend even if your life depended on it.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Imagine you want to lose weight, so you do push-ups every day. Except push-ups help you build muscle, not lose weight. You should’ve done aerobic exercises instead.

It’s not about putting in more effort. You have to do the right things.

Dating works the same way. Maybe you’re doing your part, but you don’t have results because you focus on the wrong things.

Here are the things that men think are attractive, but they’re not:

1. Fighting in bars.

The days when the “macho man” was sexy are gone.

The macho man is the guy who uses his masculinity to justify his actions. He picks a fight in bars to “defend the lady’s honor.” He believes muscles make him a man. He never lets anything hurt his ego.

That may work 30 years ago. Women felt (or, at least, they thought so) attracted to a strong man who could protect them. Some men still think the macho man persona makes them attractive.

Except that’s not what women want anymore.

The idea of what makes a man masculine changed. The macho man became almost a joke (and far from attractive). The current masculine man is goal-oriented, empathic, and respectful.

What to do:

Aggressiveness is far from attractive. You have to adjust to the new idea of masculinity. It doesn’t mean men can’t feel aggressiveness.

It means you have to use it the right way.

Fights in bars aren’t sexy. Instead, use your aggressiveness in yourself. Use it as a tool to achieve your goals. When you use this energy in yourself, you’ll have the boost to follow your dreams.

So make daring goals, take risks, and let your creativity run free. You’re the only one who sets the limits.

You’ll live your authentic life. And that’s attractive.

2. You look like Brad Pitt.

Whoever said “looks don’t matter” lied. You have to be attracted to your partner, and looks give you an unfair advantage.

But if all you have to offer is your looks, that’s not enough.

Attractiveness goes beyond looks. It’s the combination of looks, personality, behavior, and chemistry. So yes, looks matter. But your relationship can’t be based on looks.

Imagine a man whose only personality trait is to go to the gym. He loves to care for his body, has a strict diet, and knows everything about the fitness world. This man is likely good-looking. But if that’s all he can talk about, he’s insufferable.

You can look as fine as Brad Pitt. But great relationships take more than that.

What to do:

Good-looking people are often more confident. But there are other ways to make you interesting:

• Learn a new skill.
• Start projects that excite you.
• Talk to people with different opinions.
• Pursue different hobbies: theater, bungee jumping, traveling, or coding.

 

Your projects and skills will give you a sense of achievement. This way, your confidence comes from your actions, not your looks. As a bonus, you become interesting because you do unique things.

3. Bragging.

Just like your looks, confidence will also give you an advantage when it comes to dating. What people don’t tell you is that it can also ruin your date.

There’s a fine line between confidence and bragging.

Imagine you’re dating a rich man. It sounds nice at first. But whenever you go out, he only talks about his money, he makes your achievements seem small compared to his, and his hobbies are buying fancy cars and watches.

You can’t date a man who brags too much (even when he’s legit).

What to do:

When you’re successful, you may think your achievements are attractive. You’re not wrong: everybody likes successful people.

But when you brag, your achievements become negative.

You kill the point of your achievements because now they only serve to boost your ego. Instead of talking about your passions, you’re talking about how your fancy cars make you a bada*s.

Don’t be this person. Your achievements have a better goal, and that’s what you should display in your dates. Your goals make you attractive.

4. Your size.

Let’s be honest: men have strong feelings towards their dicks. Now, I can’t pretend to understand why. Maybe it’s a societal thing, or maybe men have a unique relationship with their private parts. But I can give you a woman’s perspective.

Your size doesn’t automatically make you attractive.

Sex is simple for men because it’s mostly a physical thing. Yes, there are feelings involved, but the physical part normally outshines the emotions. Women are the opposite: emotions matter.

For women, sex is about how you connect with the other person. And your dick size won’t make your connection stronger.

What to do:

Don’t assume a large dick makes you a sex god (I can assure you it doesn’t). Instead, create a deep relationship with your partner:

• Listen to her.
• Make questions.
• Go on romantic dates.
• Share your vulnerabilities.

 

Your dick won’t make you automatically attractive. But the unique bond you have with your partner will.

…

There’s no secret recipe to becoming more attractive. Attractiveness is the unique combination of looks, personality, behavior, and style. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take control of your love life.

You’ll never be attractive if you focus on the wrong things.

When you put effort into what doesn’t work, you’ll never achieve anything. Imagine you want to ace your math test, but you study history instead. You can prepare for weeks (hell, even years), and you will still fail the test. The same goes for attractiveness.

But when you know what you do wrong, you can finally do the right things. And that’s how you win the game.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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